Four days left of work.
Eleven days left in Vegas.
Safe to say, the final countdown is ON. I knew this time would come, yet somehow (not surprisingly) I’m still feeling completely unprepared for it. All of a sudden it’s registering HOW MUCH I need to take care of before I leave, and I no longer have the luxury of putting it off for a few more weeks.
On top of that, the realization of how much I’m not prepared to leave is hitting hard. Really hard. Places around Vegas I still wanted to visit but probably won’t have time to, friends made that I’ll no longer get to see (aside from on a screen, thanks to good old social media). Leaving a job that has been abundantly good to me for over four years isn’t an easy decision either. I’m willingly walking away from a solid paycheck, healthcare, retirement; goodbye comfort zones, hello unknown.
In short… I’m not ready. I don’t feel prepared to let go of my life here in Vegas and leave it behind, I’m not ready to move on just yet: I need more time. Then again, when are we ever truly ‘ready’ for big life changes? If every big decision or monumental life altering action was placed on hold until I felt fully prepared and ready, I would never do anything. EVER. I wouldn’t be where I am today in life, would have missed out on a plethora of experiences and lessons learned, and wouldn’t have met a bunch of great people that I’m truly happy to have encountered.
I’m going to say it’s okay for me to be freaking out a little (or maybe a lot)- I’d even venture to say that’s a normal reaction to the scenario I’m throwing myself into headfirst. I’m sacrificing everything for an end goal that I don’t even fully understand yet. I’m scared. Feeling that fear of the unknown, of failure, of losing everything and gaining little in return… then I remind myself of how rewarding it can be to move forward and confront fear head on.
Every time I go cliff jumping, I’m scared of heights- I feel a real, terrifying fear that almost paralyzes me. Sometimes I have to sit down to compose myself and try to breathe, because I’m afraid my legs are going to completely give out on me. Not cool at all. However, once I conquer that mental block for a few moments, just long enough to leave the edge of safety and leap into the air- the feeling after is pure invigoration and exhilaration (or maybe I’m just in shock that I’m still alive… hard to tell). The point being, I know that facing my fears is a necessary component of pursuing the things I want to do, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Even if it terrifies me.
So, that’s what where I’m at currently- scared, stressing, and certainly not feeling prepared… but I’ve never let that stop me before, and right now is no exception. This is that moment where I’m standing on the edge, completely freaked out over what I’m about to do. It’s time to make a move.
You can’t reach for what’s ahead of you, if you’re still holding on to what’s behind you.
Be brave. Let go. JUMP.